Raman Frey

The Best Second Option

By raman|Into the Frey|46 Comments

What makes a relationship successful? For just about every kind of relationship married couple, parent and child, co-worker, volunteers, dear friends, or a combinations of several of these, we have the notion that success means permanence. The greatest of marriages go from early days to a late grave. The deepest of friendships begin in grade school and persist till the nursing home. Why does this longevity so warm our hearts? Do we stigmatize the bright and rewarding but brief connections? Haven’t some of our most amazing relationships been short lived? (more…)

It’s Raining Dandruff: On the Flake Epidemic

By raman|Into the Frey|51 Comments

May I make a request? It’s a simple thing.

When someone presents an invitation, it’s a kindness. And to repay this kindness, this “hey, I want to include you in my dinner party or an important meeting,” you might respond quickly. Acceptable answers are “yes,” “no,” and sometimes even “maybe.” If you want to leave a sweet taste in your friend or colleague’s mouth and a lingering positive opinion in his or her mind, you might even begin with “Hey, thanks for asking/including me,” even if your answer is “Count me out,” or “I don’t have the bandwidth,” or even “This just can’t be a priority for me right now.” (more…)

Facebook is my Hippy Commune

By raman|Into the Frey|49 Comments

I post a lot.  In real life, I also share a lot.  It’s a little like food – for my grandmother, food was tangible love, a wonderful thing to give and receive.

Facebook is the cocktail or dinner party that never ends, the baby step towards omniscience, the panopticon for those I most care about, and perhaps another thousand or so people I don’t know as well.  It imposes a thin layer of reciprocal “keeping in the loop” and a gentle (and admittedly thin) social glue of community for the geographically distributed.

I grew up on what’s best described as a hippy commune, so from my earliest toddler memories, everyone who came and went on our property (a “Yoga Temple” and three homes in Coconut Grove, Florida) was someone to learn from, a friend, possibly extended family, someone to play with, to share a meal or conversation with.  We learned to trust visitors, because they were usually people in the midst of deep introspection, usually attentive, kind to children.  (more…)

Everything I Say is Stolen

By raman|Into the Frey|67 Comments

“Good artists borrow, great artists steal.”

-       Picasso (maybe) –

Please assume everything I share with you is stolen.

I don’t have a brain wired for perfect attribution. I’ll do my best. For instance, the phrase and concept of “the genius of the and,” which I’m so fond of, apparently came from Jim Collins, at least according to Google. http://www.jimcollins.com/article_topics/articles/building-companies.html

The problem is (more…)

My Wallet’s Up on Matterhorn Peak

By raman|Into the Frey|66 Comments

Dear colleagues,

Though highly unorthodox, I would like to nominate myself for the inaugural Insensible Feat of Great Idiocy Award. Please allow me to set the scene.

Friday afternoon, after scarfing a burrito, I hit the highway on the motorcycle, panniers packed with camping gear, and drove through the hottest temperatures I’ve ever experienced in the central valley. My thermometer hit 114 degrees in Livermore.

I wound my way over Sonora Pass, and arrived at Buckeye Hot Springs to meet my friend Rob and his adorable Shiba dog Wasabi. We set up camp and had a nice soak in the riverside pool under a scalding waterfall running off the boulder above. (more…)

On Father’s Day

By raman|Into the Frey|51 Comments

It’s Father’s Day.

I once was a young cynic who looked to this day mostly as something artificial, invented by Hallmark, a chance to sell us some sentimental print espousing ideas and behaviors we should stick to always.  But the truth is, we owe a lot to our fathers.  And the cliché truth is, we sometimes see this most clearly when our own fathers are gone.

I’m on good terms now with this early more cynical version of myself, have a soft spot for him really.  Maybe my soft spot is growing to include my dad.  I’m a father myself, very fortunate to have a brilliant daughter of my own.

(more…)

On Spending

By raman|Into the Frey|59 Comments

Money and dignity. Dignity and money. We invented currency to smooth over the challenges of unequal exchange and to store “value.” Barter was awkward when all you had was a round of cheese and all you wanted was a horse. Or vice versa. Money allowed for dividing pies in equitable fashion. It’s a useful idea and works, because like language, we all agree to it’s rules.

And so this concept, this faith system, grew and we layered all sorts of more complex inventions over it, the stock market, systems to short stock, options, derivatives, currency exchanges, commodity exchanges for futures contracts. Economies grew in scale. All of these immaterial marketplaces were convertible to some degree back into the stuff we actually need and use, whether for pleasure or out of necessity, food, clothes, houses, etc.. And so currency became an integral part of who we are. And our dignity is part of that. One of the most insidious and challenging habits is the belief that our individual value to the world is reflected in our incomes and savings. Is it? Like most clichés, there’s something valid here and also something wrong. (more…)